The new year is a wonderful time to do some reflection, whether or not you set resolutions. Look back on your year, what does it look like? It might have been a hard year, but you got through it, and that’s always something to celebrate. Maybe you had some big personal or professional achievements. Maybe there were mistakes you made that you can learn from and try not to repeat. Whether you took strides forward or felt like you just got through it, taking time to reflect can help you focus your intentions and your growth for the coming year.

The pitfalls of New Year’s Resolutions often come from setting goals we either have no true motivation to achieve or ones that don’t consider our actual day to day flexibility.

Here are three key ways you can set better goals for the new year:

1). Choose Goals that Excite You
When you are looking forward to achieving a goal (and are actually excited by the process of achieving it) you are much more likely to put effort into achieving it. And while there (of course) might be days when you can’t keep the habit up, you’ll feel excited to jump back into it when your life allows.

For example: maybe you want to be more active this year. That’s a great resolution! But what does joyful, intentional activity look like to you?

For a lot of people, when we set resolutions, we just rattle off the first, simplest way we think there is to achieve something. For this goal, that might be going to the gym more often. But do you actually like going to the gym? If running on a treadmill is a chore to you, then you aren’t going to have great motivation to actually follow up on this goal.

Instead, look at what you like to do. Think even to how you daydream about spending your time. Do you wish you knew your neighborhood or city better? Combine the two goals. Take some time out of your weekly schedule and commit to walking around, exploring where you live. If you work your goal into an activity you’re actively looking forward to, achieving it won’t feel like a chore, but a treat!

2). Be Kind to Yourself
Take a look at the way you’re phrasing your goals. Are your resolutions crowded with negative words? Do they look more like ways to punish yourself for shortcomings? Or are they ways to celebrate and expand on your journey of self-growth?

When we set goals that are more like punishments, we set ourselves up for feeling worse instead of better. Goals should help you on your journey of self-love, self-improvement, or whatever your priority is, but they should be kind to you too.

Look back at the past year. What achievements are you proud of? What lessons have you learned? How can you apply those lessons or expand on those achievements positively? When we take time to reflect on things we’ve learned and things we’re proud of, we help to illuminate our own values. Make a list of those values once you’ve figured out what they are! And then when you have that list, use it to direct your goal setting. What kinds of goals will add more of those values to your life? How can you honor them in your goal setting?

3). Honor Your Time
It’s great to set lots of new goals, but don’t set too many at once. And, when you’re setting them, remember what the composition of your days is actually like.

It’s still important to keep time to rest and relax in your schedule. And if that means you have to set one less goal, that’s okay. If you’re too burned out to commit your energy to your resolutions, you won’t achieve them anyway.

Maybe you want to read more. Great! But if part of the reason you weren’t able to read as much as you’d have liked to in the last year is because you have a consistently busy schedule, remember that as you set the goal. Instead of saying “I’m going to read 50 books this year” start with “I want to read one book a month.” That way you can prioritize this new habit you want to form, without overloading yourself and leaving you tired and overwhelmed.

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• Lose a few pounds (or more than a few)
• Exercise more (10,000 steps a day)
• Drink less
• Stop using drugs (or at least taper off)
• Go back to church or synagogue (once they return to “normal”)

But as the calendar turns from 2020 to 2021, let’s rethink resolutions. 2020 was a miserable year for many of us. Over 1.71 million people in the world and over 325,000 people in the United States have died from COVID-19. Those huge numbers are unthinkable until we put names to them. My friends Ruth and Joanne died of COVID-19. I’m sure you could add names to this list as well. It is unthinkable how many moms, dads, grandmas and grandpas, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, coaches, teachers, doctors, nurses…the list goes on have died. It is so terribly sad.

So this year as we turn the calendar thankfully from 2020 to 2021, as we prepare to roll up our sleeves and get a vaccination, continue to wear masks, continue to stay 6 feet apart and wash our hands to the tune of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” (for 20 seconds)…as we continue to practice this life-saving measures, let’s also make life-changing resolutions.

For 2021, let’s rethink our resolutions. What if we did just one or two of these:

• Showed compassion even to the person who cuts us off on I-270 (we know their aggression comes from pain.)
• Live with kindness.
• Give when you can (If you have an old coat, someone at Goodwill would love to be warm. Mid-Ohio Food Bank would appreciate an hour of your time or a donation.)
• Share peace (If someone snaps at you, count to 10. Remember, they are hurting. It may not help to snap back.)
• Be thoughtful. Send a note in your child’s lunchbox; a text to your partner; an old fashion snail mail to your mom or dad. These will make them smile.

We often make resolutions about ourselves. What if, this year, we made them about a kinder world. Kindness and compassion spread quickly. Pay it forward. You’ll be surprised how easy it is to keep these resolutions.

Happy 2021!

– Renee Ahern, PhD, MS, MDiv, LPCC-S

Want to schedule a 10-minute call with our Intake Coordinator?  Check out our scheduling link here.

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While January gets all the credit for being the perfect time to set goals and create habits, it’s also worthwhile to assess those goals throughout the year. September, at least in the US, is typically the height of “back to school” time, so it’s a natural transition period for many households. Even if you’re no longer in school, you can use this time of year as a fresh start or as a chance to reassess your goals for the year.

It’s also important to note that it’s okay if your only goal right now is to get through. Surviving can be hard enough right now, and if you can’t manage more than that it’s absolutely okay. It’s okay to just focus on getting through.

With that being said, if you’re feeling up to it, take some time to think about the goals you had for the year back in January. In light of all that has changed, some of them probably aren’t feasible now. Even when things aren’t this turbulent, it’s helpful to check in regularly to see if your goals are still lining up with your values and needs.

Here are some questions to ask yourself as you reassess your goals this fall:

• Is this something I still care about?
• Is this something I have the resources to do during the pandemic?
• Meeting this goal will make me feel ______________.
• What has brought me joy this year?
• What has felt draining to me this year?
• How can I make space for the emotions of this year in my goals?

Remember, it’s not bad to change course, especially in light of the current circumstances. We don’t have much control over how long things will last, but we can control where we spend our energy and what we consider important during this time.

If you’re looking for some help reassessing your goals or just need some extra support, our clinicians can help.

Want to schedule a 10-minute call with our Intake Coordinator?  Check out our scheduling link here.

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